


Quantum Zeno Effect

by Wizzegg (mariburz)



Category: Physics (Anthropomorfic)
Genre: Other, Quantum Zeno Effect
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-04
Updated: 2016-08-07
Packaged: 2018-07-29 08:28:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7677277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mariburz/pseuds/Wizzegg
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A sub-atomic particle is really pissed at quantum physicists.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> im so fuckign pissed bc of this but in a sort of endearing way like "aw universe u dont make sense"  
> if u leave the observation machine running with no one observing it and no records would the zeno effect still happen?  
> this might have multiple chapters  
> that could be fun  
> alas i dont know shit abt quantum physics except fro the shti i read and this f u c k i n g b u l l s h i t  
> this is also my first fkn fic i hate my life  
> rate and review and correct me on mistakes  
> and if i do end up posting more chapters please correct them too

Up Quark felt like making its usual rounds in its quantum system. However, this time something was different. It was frozen, stuck, unable to move, fucking useless. Okay. This was not natural. Out of the corner of its nonexistent eye it saw a stream of photons. It thought it was somewhere dark, what happened? What force could have moved it? Why the fuck is it being disturbed?

In the glassy surface of a human eye, it saw its answer.

Humans. Fucking. Dammit.

Why are the particles that make up humans arranged in a way that is inconvenient to all others? Seriously, are they just fucking trolling the good hardworking particles that are manipulated by _fucking humans_?

This had to stop, and it had to stop now. Too bad the up quark couldn't fucking move. As soon as it could, it was gonna get the rest of its proton-mates to do something, ANYTHING to get humans off their backs once and for all. It was gonna up quark quark them up.

And if that meant the universe ending due to making too much sense, so be it.


	2. Chapter 2

Pulled along in their proton by an orbiting electron, Up Quark struggled to understand how its life came to this.

"Hey, Up, why are we doing this again?"

The other up quark did not respond. If it was human and the proton was a vehicle, the other Up would be the suburban mom clenching the wheel of her minivan with manicured nails.

"Down?"

Down just shrugged bemusedly. Down never understood the up quarks and never wanted to either. Up sighed.

"Wanna play board games?"

"GOD FUCKING DAMMIT UP, WE'RE TRYING TO GET THESE NASTY HUMANS OFF OUR BACKS AND MAKE THEM STOP FREEZING US" the other Up bellowed, turning around and making the proton swerve into another proton then get pushed away by its Repulsion Bumper. "SORRY" Up called out of its open window.

Down sighed and put its head in its hands. It did not want to deal with any insurance companies right now. It did not want to deal with any insurance companies right now. 

"But why?"

Down REALLY did not want to deal with any insurance companies OR hospitals right now. 

"BECAUSE SHUT THE FUCK UP IS WHY" Up shrilled in a surprising display of self-restraint.

Up wisely decided to shut up for the rest of the ride.

"We're here," Up said. If quarks could exist on their own, Up would've gotten out of the proton and slammed the door. Sadly, they could not. 

The electron, fed up with Up's bullshit, turned around in its orbital and said "That'll be 20 bucks," but since it kept popping up in places on its orbital at random, it couldn't be understood that well.

"What?"

"I- 20"

"What?"

"I SAID 20 BUCKS NOW" the electron yelled in exasperation. Unfortunately, it was now very excited due to anger and jumped to another orbital too far for it to be influenced by the atom's single proton. "SON OF A-" it screamed when taken by a rogue Helium ion.

Up looked around. Where exactly were they?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i need to do more research on strange quarks because i want one to show up in the next chapter


	3. We Need to Break a Wall

"The wall of this fucking box we're in," Up said.

Down looked down relative to the proton it was part of. Huh, how did it not notice that before?

"Uh, Up, you know we'll be repelled away, right?"

"We'll fucking full-speed at it and bounce off into the other wall and bounce back until we have enough energy to break a hole in that." 

"I'm pretty sure that won't work, I mean there are other atoms in our way and stuff."

"If every action has an equal and opposite reaction and F = m * a then it'll work just fucking trust me and let's hurl ourselves at it somehow."

"I- I can't."

Down pushed ahead, taking both Ups by surprise. The three quarks all screamed random gibberish as they accelerated, decelerated, then shot off into the opposite direction.

As it should be obvious to anyone with common sense, it wouldn't work. Luckily, the universe makes absolutely no fucking sense at all, and the hydrogen ion's path was clear. After a pretty long time, instead of breaking the barrier someone just released the gas because it was useless to them now.

Thanks to the changed environment, the hydrogen ion gained an electron and bonded with another hydrogen atom. Coincidentally, the other atom had the same electron the first atom owed money to. 

Logically, this wouldn't make sense because the electron was taken by a helium atom, but if our hydrogen ion was neither an atom nor hydrogen gas then it could be inferred that it was too hot for the electron to stay with helium.

The hot fires of the electron's revenge propelled it around until it settled around a nucleus, then sought out the nucleus it was looking for and coupled with its electron.

"NOW GIVE ME 20 DOLLARS"

"HOW? WE DON'T EVEN HAVE A SOCIETY OR MONEY!"

"JUST GIVE ME!"

Down tossed 20... what were they? Who fucking knows, they're gone and Down would take that secret to the eventual death of the universe.

Everyone, even the electron, was stunned.

"Wow, I never expected actual gain from this... um... what can I even use this for? I mean... I was after this for so long and now it's just sorta... there... is this even a dollar? I thought since humans used it it should be bigger."

"I don't know, I've never seen one," the Up that wasn't obsessed with the demise of humanity said.


	4. Chapter 4

Down smiled to itself mysteriously. It didn't know what those were or where it got them from or if they were even real or some illusion, but it sure was glad it didn't have to deal with police or lawyers. It was really glad it didn't have to deal with police or laywers.

Now in a more relaxed setting, Down imagined it was setting out tea and biscuits for the other two. The other two imagined they were eating them.

"Say, Down, how did you get us all to imagine the same thing?" the second Up we were introduced to asked.

Down smiled and poured some more tea. Calming.

"WILL YOU TWO TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY??? REFUEL AND GO, ASSHOLES, WE'VE GOT HUMANS TO CRUSH," the first Up we were introduced to hollered, imagining stuffing imaginary biscuits in its imaginary mouth with its imaginary hands.

Down imaginarily wrote "We can't hope to crush them as Hydrogen gas, or at least not without our partner's co-operation. One of you needs to turn Down so we could" the rest was too blurry to read because the other Up spilled tea on Down's napkin and notepad.

"Sorry!" Up squeaked then bent over to read the imaginary piece of paper. "It says to turn Down for what now?"

Down wrote "to fuse with another atom" on a dry napkin.

"Oh, of course. But don't we need more pressure?"

"Down you're a motherfucking genius, I fucking love you. We'll travel to a star that can fuse us into iron then band with other irons to POISON THE HUMANS FROM WITHIN THEIR OWN BLOOD. WE will be the containers rather than the contained!!!!" Up shrilled, imaginarily swerving the car but really kissing Down. Quarks kissing is exchanging colour charges.

"Okay, um, can we talk to the other atom first? I mean we're kinda diatomic right now so we kinda need to, yeah, talk to the other..." the other Up trailed off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> credit to luna-and-mars on tumblr for the turn down for what thing


End file.
